Ponies, unicorns, and practical hiring

Unicorn Required

£20689 FTE

TT + 4 weeks

LA pension scheme + benefits

No training given

Must be happy to self-study with minimum supervision

The above job ad might strike you as unusual but for me it’s all too familiar. It starts with a resignation of a pony. That’s right, a conscientious, team playing pony with top notch Excel skills.

The pony’s hiring manager, although sad to lose a team member, sees this as an opportunity. Rather than recruit another pony, she decides, let’s raise the bar, save ourselves training time and get ourselves a unicorn!

The hiring manager knows it’ll be a struggle to find that unicorn, but they are a school with the highest standards, rated Outstanding with the best GCSE results in the area. Isn’t that just the kind of environment a unicorn would love, no aspire, to work in? And it’ll be more than worth it in the end.

An admirable mission and with the best of intentions.

Now I’m going to rain on that magical parade. We are not in a market of unicorns.

Whilst the hiring manager is on her noble quest for a unicorn, she overlooks a pony who meets all the criteria except the unicorn specific horn. And a whole field of eager foals who need nurturing but have more energy than any unicorn. Spoiler, if the manager does find an elusive unicorn, they’ll probably be counter offered by their previous manager, or leave in a short time for a better offer elsewhere.

This is my practical advice on how to avoid a fruitless hunt for a unicorn:

• Look at the job description

• Can all of these duties be done by one person?

• Do any of the duties require conflicting skillsets?

• Are the duties in line with the salary?

• Look at your person specification

• Be realistic with your essential criteria. ‘School experience in the same role’ does not belong under essentials.

• WHO do you want in the role? Really imagine who that person is. What about your job makes that person want to apply?

• This next one will save you time and money…can this job be done by a graduate?

• Look at the conditions

• What can you do to make the role more appealing? Flexible hours (even by just half an hour), job share, one day WFH?

The image I’ve chosen is a photo of my brother dressed as a fairly convincing unicorn at a family party. He didn’t even fool my four y/o…

Me: Oh look Maggie, it’s a unicorn!

Maggie: No, mummy, that’s just Uncle Josh…

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